“Well, I am still in awe of you”-Guiding Light, Mumford and Sons

​I am watching the Wonder Years and it’s fascinating how timeless of a show it is.
Looking forward to being back in MY house. Don’t let Zakaria hear me call it my house…it is our house but you get my drift.Front Royal, Virginia is not exactly where I was expecting to see a Black Lives Matter event

​“Well, I am still in awe of you”-Guiding Light, Mumford and Sons

​My 41st birthday is coming up and I decided to write a list of 41 thoughts.

1. I am watching the Wonder Years and it’s fascinating how timeless of a show it is.
2. Looking forward to being back in MY house. Don’t let Zakaria hear me call it my house…it is our house but you get my drift.
3. Front Royal, Virginia is not exactly where I was expecting to see a Black Lives Matter event but it was pretty awesome. I mean, hearing Public Enemy’s “Fight the Powers” is a bit different than hearing about Confederate soldiers.
4. The AAMDS March for Marrow in 2018 was the day Hadi was intubated for the last time. One of the many reasons I want to make sure Team Watience is on the top of the leaderboard. This is where you go ahead and sign up and/or donate. March for Marrow-Team Watience
5. Blackbird is an amazing song and I suddenly realized how much it, along with the phoenix, represent the experiences of the last few years of my life.
6. I have recently become interested in antique stores and while I love finding a random Star Wars piece, I kinda wanted to take the “Aunt Jemima” figurine I saw today and smash into 1,000 pieces.
7. Washburn Rural High School…the t-shirt of the white jock that said “n***** lips”, the current ignorant Facebook comments I am seeing from classmates. “Racists in Topeka? Well, I won’t think about that now.” I will focus on those who realize that change needs to happen. Hoping the Gone With the Wind reference wasn’t lost on anyone. 😉
8. Omari and Sakina and your beautiful children…many duas and you are loved. There is so much more I want to say but none of it seems right.
9. No matter how much I try to silent cry, Zakaria will come running when he knows there are tears…I know he loves me because he just interrupted a MineCraft game to come hug me.
10. Spotify is now playing “Guiding Light”…coincidence? Nope. They are twins after all and there is some competition. 🙂
11. If Zakaria and I continue our cavern adventures during Covid-19, I am going to have to wear my contacts because fogged up glasses in low lit areas are not fun.
12. So, I am putting a cute little chandelier in my master bedroom. This makes me happy.
13. Father’s Day is tomorrow. I haven’t been to NIH in awhile but I still smile thinking about people being happy to see me but one of the first questions is always…”Where is Grandpa”? There is a reason I am pretty adamant of having my full name written out…Saira ASHRAF Sufi. 😉
14. We are on number 14 and I have gotten this far without writing about being blindsided by my husband of ten years walking out on me…I don’t want to give it too much headspace but it seems kinda wrong to not include it because it has led me to realize more and more that Allah is the best of planners.
15. Did I tell you I met The Edge during Hadi’s treatment and that we were able to get a letter from Paul Simon and well…can we say Luke Skywalker is pretty amazing? These were some amazing connections and to say that I know we are loved is an understatement.
16. That being said…um, MUMFORD AND SONS, anyone? 🙂 I know your 40th birthday is supposed to be the special one but the happy memories of my 40th party are reduced knowing the one who planned it was also making plans to leave me. Am I working the pity angle? Maybe…but heck, if it gets me to meet Mumford and Sons for my 41st, I am all for it.
17. You know those little attraction fliers they have at hotels and travel rest stops? As a toddler, Zakaria would take almost every single one and it drove me bonkers. I type this as I look at the massive stack I picked up in Luray, Virginia. Apple…tree.
18. I love hiking and I can’t wait to hike with Hadi again…that kid made sure that we kept going and saw the waterfalls at Yosemite even though we all complained that we were too tired.
19. I decided to order sushi for dinner and it brought back the memory of Awais picking up sushi from me while I was at NIH and I told him not to judge me for ordering fake sushi. I mean, just cause it has cream cheese doesn’t mean it’s not real sushi, right?
20. I am not quite sure where it came from but I often call Zakaria my silly little mongoose and it is really hard not to laugh really loud when I hear him call his Minecraft friends the same thing.
21. I have a distinct memory of my mother calling me her honey bunny little rabbit…seems at least somewhat more endearing than a mongoose. Did I mention I sometimes add “of justice” to the end?
22. Again, I am not for violence but I so want to see the John Brown mural in the Topeka Capitol right now.
23. Tulsa…ugh. Yep, that’s it.
24. A five bedroom house for two people might seem like a bit much. Zakaria rarely shows anger but me asking him if we should sell the house and his facial response made me truly fearful. I also asked if I could get rid of the deck and was promptly told I had already gotten rid of too many memories.
25. Seriously, can we go back to Virginia’s governor calling for the removal of Robert E. Lee’s statue and making Juneteenth a state holiday? “It’s been a long long, long time coming, But I know, but I know a change is gotta come” -Sam Cooke but I am listening to the Otis Redding version
26. The irony of giving over a bike to the daughter I taught how to ride a bike but yet is no longer considered my daughter is not lost on me.
27. The irony of ensuring my son is at the wedding ceremony of the couple I took engagement pictures and edited said pictures for, yet am I not welcome at is also not lost on me.
28. Ya know, I never really understood how true the term, “blood boiling” is but you best believe my body quite warm at the moment.
29. This is why I need to go back to Orange Theory or figure out another healthy way to get out some aggression.
30. 2020 has been a pretty crazy year…I am thinking we find a cure for aplastic anemia to round out the year.
31. Coffee, chocolate, traveling, the outdoors, my family, my faith…a few things I want to continue loving when I am 41.
32. Speaking of family, I saw a Gordman’s in Luray and reminded me of Richmond Gordman’s and then that made me think of Venture. I then smiled thinking of when Amir made sure I got Hungry Hungry Hippos from Venute for one of my birthdays. That would be my awesome brother, Amir and not Zakaria’s father.
33. I have gotten to the point of ordering stuff for the house and I am sure the workers are like…woah, Saira, can we hold up, we still have at least a month left?
34. I am part of a few families that to be honest, I never wanted to be part of,…those who have lost children and single mothers. Let’s be honest though, you combine the grit of us and well, daymn. I am sure there is also a group of folks whose spouse took their cable card and in turn made their houses catch on fire but I kinda think that might just be me. I am special, after all.
35. Will I look back at Cold Spoon in a few years and say…this is where I took Hadi after first learning about his diagnosis, this is where Zakaria’s father told me he hadn’t been happy in a long while and he was done or will I just focus on how freakily amazing the vanilla bean yogurt is?
36. Man, I want to see the Jayhawks play Mizzou at Allen Fieldhouse.
37. My Facebook Birthday Fundraiser is for The Innocence Project
38. La halwa wala quwatta illa billah (there is no power or might except with Allah).
39. Check out this video and tell me if you recognize anyone.
40. Did you actually make it this far? Tell me, what do you want for me for my birthday?
41. June 29th, 1979, Stormont Vail…what a crazy 41 years it has been. Alhumdullilah for it all even if sometimes I wish a tequila shot could be allowed. Thank you everyone. Much love.