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  • Writer's pictureSaira Sufi

Life grief, what does it mean to you?

It‘s International Bereaved Mother’s Day.

I think back to being in the ICU and watching his blood pressure stabilize when he heard my voice or when he squeezed my hand when he heard Zakaria’s voice. Man, I want to hear his voice. I want to smile as Zakaria and him giggle while they try to hide my Mother’s Day present.

This weekend has been productive. I stopped by the house today and I didn‘t realize how exciting it could be to see insulation. While standing in my beautiful boys’ room, I felt compelled to do one of Hadi’s cute dances from NIH that involved saying, “Mentos...the fresh maker”and a booty shake. I also looked up and realized the only Star Wars sticker left was a huge Princess Leia. We looked at each other and nodded.

I can‘t believe 1/3 of Ramadan is almost over. Is it somewhat disturbing that I am really concerned about not getting fresh mehndi for Eid this year? This Ramadan has allowed me to spend more time connecting with support groups. Huge shout out to Comfort Zone Camp. I looked into it originally for Zakaria as it’s a camp for children who have experienced loss but they had an online virtual session on navigating life grief and it was very supportive. Life grief, what does that even me? That my life will forever be defined by my grief? That there are many types of grief being stored in this 5’0 body of mine? Not sure but it was comforting to year others talk about the waves of grief and how one minute you seem all hunky dory and the next you are ugly crying. I kinda just wanted to write hunky dory.

I am a mother, I am a mother of twins, I am a stepmother...I started to write former stepmother but decided against it. Bereaved Mother’s Day...not quite sure how I feel about it but I will say this, some people never get to meet their hero, I gave birth to mine.

Tomorrow is May 4th and Team Watience will have a special announcement.

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