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  • Writer's pictureSaira Sufi

Is not general incivility the very essence of love?

My father has decided to write an autobiography and he gave me the section about me to edit. I think Zakaria thought my ugly crying was because I stupidly turned on the television during one of Trump's press conferences. It was actually because I had just read my father's recollection of what his grandson had gone through at the NIH, but not just what his grandson had been trough but also what his daughter had been through. He wrote about how I slept in the back of Hadi's ICU room and well...thank goodness for hugs from fathers.

I must admit that after 13 months at the NIH, I can pull off self quarantine pretty well but I miss my Mommy and Daddy. I also put together curricula and schedules for Hadi and so, I can pull this off for Zakaria...except, does he really need to know about fractions? This is all surreal but as the last two years have taught halwa wala quwata illa billah (there is no power or might except with Allah). This is also new territory in the land of custody schedules. What is best for Zakaria both physically and mentally? What's best for me physically and mentally? I am actually not crowdsourcing either question, just "thinking" out loud. I am yet again putting together schedules for Nintendo Switch virtual play date calls and trying to figure out places in this apartment where I don't have to hear voices that were part of my life for ten years but taken away overnight. Note, Zakaria not only talks a lot but he is fairly loud. I usually try to not be part of his counseling sessions but he is doing a virtual one right now and I can hear him from my bedroom and man, I can't deny that I love hearing him talk about how his brother was awesome at LEGOs.

Recent experiences have taught me to focus on what I can control, which isn't much, particularly how quickly I can eat an ice cream pint during times of anxiety. I can control not going out and clubbing (dude, Coronavirus or not, that just ain't happening), I can control not watching the news as much as I have been, I can control Zakaria's amount of snacks, no I actually can't. I can control Zakaria compromising with me...Clone Wars for Pride and Prejudice. Pretty sure the kid is going to start repeating"If you would have acted in a more gentleman like manner." Hm, what flavor ice cream should I go for now? Please stay safe and be smart everyone. Much love and duas to those on the frontlines.

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