In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
You are too nice, Saira. I hear this on a regular basis. I am not quite sure what that means. I need boundaries, apparently and I need to use my voice. Again, what does that mean? Wait, I need to go back to my childhood and explore why I want everyone to like me? This apparently goes deeper than my ex-husband leaving me suddenly and making me feel like I am a monster? Eh, do I have to do the work? The therapy, the life coaching, the grief coaching...I don't wanna. Sitting down with my scone and coffee and pretending I am healed sounds better. However, I have been told that I need to trust the process. Fine. ;) By the way, the chocolate chip scone from Ridgetop Coffee is quite tasty.
I attended a Children's Inn thank you reception and it provided the tears that so desperately needed to fall. Hadi was a star at the NIH but it was Zakaria who made himself known at the Children's Inn. The Director asked if Zakaria was still as matter of fact as he used to be. Why yes, yes he is. I was telling Zakaria about the reception and he said we needed to go back to supporting the Inn and providing items for the treasure boxes. He then reminded me of his obsession with the mini bagels that we got used to have for breakfast while we were at the Inn. It sucks remembering Hadi's pokes and procedures but there are so many memories that just make me smile. Who knew that a mini bagel could produce so much joy?
After the reception, I went to a concert. Marcus Mumford at the Anthem in DC. Definitely past my bedtime but man, it was awesome. Mumford and Sons got me through a lot of nights at the NIH. He opened up with "Awake My Soul" and gosh darnit, why don't I always carry a pack of tissues? I am 43 years old and can remember my first concert-Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Mad props to my dad for taking us to that show in Topeka, Kansas. I didn't realize at that point we were probably the only people with melanin at that show. My soul needs live music. My soul could do without the smell of pot in DC. I decided to get a hotel and spend the night in DC and waking to get my coffee and scone (sense a pattern?) while watching the sun rise was incredible. Also...get yourself a scone from Mah Ze Dahr.
I am attending an Aplastic Anemia and MDS Foundation board meeting this weekend. There will be tears. I will be reminded of so much that my tiny humans have taught me. La halwa wala quwatta, illa billa (there is no power or might except with God). It is also during these meetings that I think about what I want to do to honor Hadi as well as this journey that I am...so stay tuned for information on how you can be part, i.e. Sour Patch Kids eating contest.