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  • Saira Sufi

Head Like a Hole

Two years. It has been two years since Zakaria's first day of 2nd grade. Two years since I made sure he got on the school bus and then allowed myself the tears thinking that Hadi should be on that bus as well. Two years not knowing that while I was being comforted by my husband at the time, he was planning his move out of our marital home...well, and our marriage. As I sit at Weird Brothers, I can remember the Team Watience fundraiser we did that afternoon at Cold Spoon before I got on a flight, now knowing my life was about to change yet again. Does time heal? Eh, maybe. Ya know what does heal? Even if temporarily? A White Witch from Weird Brothers. Yes, we could discuss the whole Narnia and the power of evil reference but I am just gonna focus on how yummy espresso, steamed milk, white chocolate and lavender tastes.


I had to become a notary for work and on Friday I went down to the Fairfax Courthouse to give my oath. It wasn't lost on me that it was the same exact booth that issued us our marriage certificate. I will admit that while I waited, I imagined and talked to my former self....dude, come on, listen to your gut, it's a red flag that he doesn't know who sings "With or Without You" and man, which product were you using in your hair back then? Today has been a lot of processing my emotions. Wait, am I covering up my hurt with anger? Yeah, most likely and ya know what? Right now, I don't freaking care. Anger is gonna win out today...while turning to God to give me strength and ease as well, of course.


The other thought going through my head this 22nd of August in 2021 is, how is it that we are collecting supplies for Afghan refugees again? I spent Thursday organizing the toiletry closet at the shelter I work at and two things came to mind. One, seriously, I love donors but it works out for both of us if you throw away your deodorant from the 80s rather than donating it. Two...is Hadi trying to school Zaki Anwari in soccer up in Jannah?


I don't think it was a coincidence that some friends and I planned to go to a rage room and the day that worked was today. Do you know how freaking awesome it felt to take a sledgehammer to a desk while listening to Nine Inch Nails? I suggest you try it.


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